Punishment or Consequence?

Q: Dear Mrs. Bottstein,

Is there a difference between punishment and consequences?

Confused


A: Dear Confused,

Punishment is not the same as consequence. Punishment includes many things, such as yelling, put-downs, threats, taking things away and hitting or spanking. Punishment often leads a child to resent or fear, and teaches them they can punish others (often seen in bullying behavior).

Consequence is a result of a choice a child has made. Some consequences are natural-for example, if a child does not eat dinner then he/she will be hungry later that night, or if a child does not wear proper clothing in the rain, he/she will get wet. Consequences are different from punishment in that consequences are a way for the parent to set limits and give choices (“you can get up on time or go to bed earlier”-if the child gets up late then he/she goes to bed earlier that night, or “follow the rules of the bus or you walk to and from school-you decide”). Consequences show respect, fit the misbehavior, are for bad choices- NOT bad children, are about the present (not past) and allow choice. . When you use consequences, don’t worry about what others think, stay calm, let the child be responsible for the choice, and make it clear when there is no choice.