Asperger Syndrome

Asperger syndrome is a neurophysiologic disorder that was accepted in the psychiatric community in 1994. It was identified by Hans Asperger, an Austrian doctor, back in 1944. Asperger syndrome and autism are examples of pervasive developmental disorders, commonly referred to as PDD, or PDD or Autistic Spectrum Disorders.

The DSM-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, published by the American Psychiatric Association) identifies PDD as "characterized by severe deficits and pervasive impairment in multiple areas of development, including impairment in reciprocal social interaction, impairment in communication, and the presence of stereotyped behavior, interests and activities."

Children diagnosed as Asperger's have marked social inadequacies, meaning they have difficulty understanding and reacting to others appropriately. They have difficulty picking up nonverbal social cues such as facial expression and body language. They often have trouble maintaining eye contact. Quite often they have difficulty judging personal space. Asperger's children may also have sensory integration issues, such as only wanting to eat certain foods or wear certain fabrics. They also have difficulty with change or transition. Aspergers children tend to have their own set of rules, which may not be our rules.

Children with Asperger's generally have average and above IQ scores. They want to be socially accepted, however, because they are socially naïve and take things literally, they frequently get teased or bullied in school. It is difficult for them to make or maintain friendships. Their speech is sometimes characterized by repetition or abnormal inflections. Physical awkwardness is also common in Asperger's syndrome.

There is no specific medication to treat Asperger's, however, medication may be used to treat accompanying symptoms, such as anxiety, attention deficit, and obsessive- compulsiveness.


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Family Meetings

Regularly scheduled family meetings can be a great way for families to touch base, make plans, resolve conflicts and to help build cooperation in your family. With everyone's busy schedules, whether it be work, sports, church or community functions, it is hard for many families to see each other all at once, and sitting down to eat dinner together and discuss the day is a thing of the past for many households.

The first step toward planning a family meeting is to make a chart of everyone's activities. Fill in your children's and your own schedule for the week. This will help you find or make time when all family members are free. Regular meetings will give everyone a chance to discuss good feelings, let families have more fun together, help families work as a team, teach family members about respect and problem solving, help parents learn effective discipline and give children a place they know they will be heard and loved.

A suggestion for a regular time might be once a week. Plan to have the meeting last from twenty to thirty minutes. Younger children may need shorter or more frequent meetings. Make a list of topics, or an agenda for the meeting. Post it (ie; on the refrigerator) so family members can add to it. You will then need to decide which topics will be discussed at the first meetings. Remember to leave time to make decisions. Take turns with different tasks during the meeting. One person can be leader and help stick to the agenda. Someone else can take notes. If a child is too young to write, they can retrieve the agenda or minutes from the last meeting. Everyone should get a chance to lead, even if they are young and need help. Another person can take notes, or minutes of the present meeting. When talking about something on the list, let your children speak first, so they can feel responsible.

Try not to let the meetings become complaining, or gripe sessions .Some things to be covered in family meetings include: kids' activities, allowances, errands, chores, rules when friends visit, weekend plans, rules for using the phone, computer, video games, etc., and homework.

Family meetings are for all families, one or two parent, one or many children, and stepfamilies as well.

A typical format for a formal approach to a family meeting is as follows:
-share good things that have happened for each family member
-read and discuss the notes from the previous meeting
-talk about things that were not discussed at the last meeting
-talk about new ideas your family want to discuss at this meeting
-plan a family activity
-summarize what all have agreed to. Ask members what they feel about the decisions reached.

Remember, don't expect the perfect family meeting. You are just beginning. The most important thing is for everyone to feel their ideas are important.

Thank you for reading,
Carol Bottstein

Managing Your Anger

When you feel angry, it is important to stop your anger and choose new thoughts. The following are suggestions for managing anger.

1. Deep Breathing-When you feel angry, silently tell your self to "stop". Take some deep breaths. It is best to breathe through your nose and out through your mouth and replace your thoughts with calmer thinking. You may have to do this several times before you feel your anger lessening.

2. Engage in Physical Activity- Run, walk, bike ride, garden, do chores around the house. Physical activity gives you a break from the anger and a chance to think. Studies show, however, that engaging in activities such as punching the pillow when angry actually increases angry feelings. So it is best to engage in productive physical activity. While your exercising, work on new thoughts.

3. Self-Talk-use calming phrases that you can say to yourself over and over to help you calm down. Use the deep breathing technique as you say these phrases. Examples ; Take it easy, Slow down, Relax, Stay calm.

4. Monitor Your Anger- There are varying ranges of anger, from mere annoyance to outrage. You can learn to score your level of anger on a scale of 1 to 10 . You will then learn which types of incidents you find the most difficult to tolerate. You will begin to see patterns in the types of incidents that anger you the most. The higher the score, the more effort needed to calm down. You can use a notebook to monitor your anger and keep a record of the incidents and corresponding scores. By monitoring your anger and keeping a record, you will be able to see if a certain incident occurs a few times a week. If the technique you are using does not work, then you need to try a different method. On the other hand, if the score lowers, examine your thoughts to see what new perspectives you have given yourself. If the score continues to rise or stay the same, you need to examine how you are continuously making yourself angry.

5. Think of Past Successes- Everyone has times where they are tempted to get angry and lose their cool, but they do not. Think of such times in your life. It may be helpful to record that time in your notebook. How did you keep yourself form getting angry? What were your thoughts?

6. Humor- You can use your notebook to write humorous messages to yourself for when angry situations happen. If you can see the humor in some aggravating situations, your anger lessens.

7. Keep a "to do" List- Keep a list of things to do when you start to feel your anger rising. You can incorporate things from this article as well include some of your own ideas. Keep the list handy so you can retrieve it the moment you start to feel angry.

General Discipline Guidelines

Dear Readers,

I appreciate all of the recent e-mails. I have been receiving many questions regarding specific discipline problems with children. I would like to take this opportunity to outline guidelines that would be useful in avoiding resistant behavior in children.

We as parents/educators should have certain beliefs, including:
All children want to do the right thing.
Children prefer to have definite rules.
We do NOT want blind obedience.
Children need practice in doing the right thing.
Children imitate all the time.

Guidelines:
• Establish routines and stick to them-this gives the child a sense of security and the child knows what to expect next.
• Be consistent!!! Remember that “a rule is a rule” and do not be afraid to say “NO” to your child.
• Give as few commands as possible-then follow through. Give necessary help.
• Only ONE person should direct a child at a time.
• Warn your child ahead of time-for example, “you may finish what you are doing, then it will be time for…” or “when I call you again, it will be time for dinner”
• Do not harp on poor behavior. Disapprove of what your child is doing if need be, but do not focus on the misbehavior. Offer a positive alternative.
• Be objective-avoid phrases such as “I want you to….” Instead say, “It’s time to…” or “the clock says…” Speaking in this manner will allow to child to accept more impersonal control with less argument.
• Give a choice ONLY if the child may choose. If you offer a choice, remember that you must accept the choice the child makes.
• Keep your child purposefully occupied-children need direction. For example, “you may do…, or…, or…” These could be fun suggestions or chores that are saved until time of need.
• Recognize achievement! Accept your child where he/she is. Remember your goal may not be his/her goal. Most important-Praise, Praise, Praise! Be sincere, not sugar-coated.
• Be casual-don’t argue or over-reason. Give simple explanations to your child. Then remain calm and ignore further arguments on the child’s part.
• Don’t worry about others’ opinions- set your own standards.
• Do not deceive a child-avoid promises you cannot keep. Do not threaten something you cannot follow through on. Do NOT discuss your child in front of him/her.

Remember, there are no perfect parents. Participating in parenting classes and learning parenting techniques are wonderful for support and guidance. Do not be discouraged if you are unable to remember and/or follow each technique. Everything takes time and practice.

Thank you for reading.

Are you a good listener?

Do you really listen when others talk or do you just hear what they are saying? Empathic listening is an active process to discern what people are saying. It is a powerful tool for building on relationships. When you take the time to listen, you communicate to the other person that they are an individual of worth and value. Empathic listening is one of the best ways to strengthen trust and rapport with others. It is easy to be an empathic listener, as long as you follow these key elements: • Be nonjudgmental • Give undivided attention (no doodling, answering cell phones, checking the time while the other individual is talking to you) • Listen carefully to what the person is saying (facts and feelings) • Allow silence for reflection (there does not always have to be spoken words-don’t let your anxiety force you to speak) • Use restatement to clarify messages Remember that empathic listening can lead to stronger relationships and trust among individuals.